I see a little Macallan in you.
A certain playfulness and charm, a bemused puzzlement, a need to stretch and shy away, a mix of sugar and salt. This is Macallan I see in you.
Where you are orange, I am white.
Where you are looking down, I am looking up.
When the back door opens we go out.
This is the Macallan I see in you.
In your best days you were the biggest cat; on my lap you stretched from hip to knee. You’re still that big cat in me. And I see that big cat in you.
Fearful of the ceiling fan, was it a danger in the sky? We made up stories of your kittenhood — the Macallan swept up in a hawk’s talons. It explained the fright… to our satisfaction. As often as we pull the chain on that ceiling fan, do we remember Macallan as he was, and as he is now — in you and in me.
Macallan was found, so the story goes, in the middle of the highway on Vashon Island. Still a kitten when we brought you home, quarantined you in the bathroom along with Duncan, the Hospice Case, until your fleas were gone and Camille got to know you, batting paws under the bathroom door.
I see a lot of them both in you.
Do you remember playing with the paper bag on the kitchen floor? And becoming scared and running with the bag still over your head and crashing into the wall?
Do you remember how you made us laugh?
When you turned your head a certain way, it was as though you were trying more than ever to figure us out. An unspoken question, hanging in the air.
When you turned your head another way, with light from the window falling across your golden eyes, I saw my mother in you, and was glad you could bring her to my memory in this way.
Macallan, existing everywhere and in all of us, stepped out of possibility and into physical being, in a gentle breathing life we could touch and see and love.
From kittenhood to all grown, from Washington to Indiana, from Casa d’Oro to Mama House, from Gretel (frenemy) to Whidbey (cuddle buddy) we have all known your sweetness and can touch you in countless memories.
I see all of that in you, my friend.
When I look at you, it’s all there, all that was Macallan, all the inquisitive and fearful and kind life that was Macallan.
Your love of the outdoors in the green and the sun, eating the grass, swatting at insects, smelling everything.
Dear precious Macallan.
So frail at the end
when the time had come, with certainty,
and we said our goodbyes
and let your life slip peacefully through our fingers.
Everything we remember of you is now part of who we are becoming. Your life will go on, moments of you scattered with high probability into each living being we greet today.
You are in every part of this experience
as we remember you
and we are glad
that we knew you
in this way.
I wish all my dear readers all the blessings, goodness, kindness, good luck, triumph, perseverance, commitment, loyalty, and all the riches that life offers, all in a measure we are able to believe we can achieve, and imagine beholding, and prepare to receive.
That sweet anticipation of a better and ever-improving future, beyond the normal turbulence we find in the day by day.
The turbulence has a way of absorbing us into the froth of detail this world arrays before us in vivid splendor. It holds us. It captivates us. It pushes other awareness away.
W E L C O M E H O M E
A larger space of awareness awaits.
It breathes within, the inner space of mind, where continuous waves of light pulse the color of your inner life: the accustomed narration, the critic, standing in the scatter of thoughts over a more solid, less discernible steady-state of mind, and the emotional burden of judgement, the gravity beneath it all. See this bath of thought in which we are submerged.
Now look closer and try to find who it is that bathes in this enormous pool of thought. And wonder out loud “How can I breathe?” when I am submerged like this. And we stop the thrashing, and watch the turbulence become still, and find a direction, and begin to float.
Floating upwards to the open air above the ocean of light.
And in deep stillness begin to breathe.
I N T H E S T I L L N E S S
What is emotion if you chose to set your inner chemistry to this setting, or that? Guilt, judging, conviction, loss, failure, darkness, doom; these are all manners of thinking, and when we change our manner, our clearer thinking helps us rise.
The observer of all-that-is lives in a vortex of light constantly spinning. This too can be quelled.
- Anything that is fast can be slowed…
- Anything that is dark can be made brighter.
- Anyone that is dull can become sharp.
- Anything that is dusty can be buffed.
- Anyone that is judged can be found innocent.
- Anyone that is guilty can find release.
- All things that have died live on as a perturbation in the flow, in everything they have touched.
Anything that loses attention becomes a ghost, barely there except for the merest waveforms.
And all boundaries of belief can be dissolved in favor of a seeking, cherishing, loving awareness of everything as it happens — and we rise.
Share these good wishes with a few others that come to mind.
IT’S A FEW DAYS PAST HALLOWEEN here at Tame Bear Central and by now everyone should be out of costume, back to work and doing everything to shake off a bad sugar jones. But there’s one lone zombie out there in the woods with enough juice flowing in it’s veins to stay upright and keep walking.
ZOMBIE IN THE WOODS
This zombie has been all but dead for a month or more.
My last cashout was $10.12 back on July 16, 2014, and my attempts since then to make further withdrawals have not met with success. During that time I submitted an ad page for review, thinking I could spend the earnings directly on advertising. But my ad went unreviewed for days, and then weeks. I opened a ticket about it, and got no response. I submitted another ad, still no response.
Then I thought maybe if I move earnings to my purchase account and buy credits, then my ad would be approved. (Surely I’m not the only one who thought of this?) So now I’ve got $13 locked up in credits I can’t use; and another $11 in earnings that can’t find a way out.
I sent one more support ticket just a week ago, hoping to shake some life out of this zombie. Nope, this one’s among the walking dead.
ProBux is the zombie I’m talking about.
When was your last cashout at ProBux? Are you still earning? I appear to be gaining about 20¢ a day just by checking in and clicking on a few ads. But with no way to get money out, and no way to at least spend what I’ve earned, the site is just as well dead.
Here’s what we saw leading up this to this conclusion:
- Several months of cashflow issues – occasionally able to cashout during certain specified times throughout the day.
- Front page messages from the owner – about how things would be improving, following server upgrades.
- More elaborate messages about a renewed cashout plan – with a rollout first to Payza, then to PayPal.
- The Forum down – for unspecified repairs a few days later. Has not been back up since then.
- The site completely offline – for several days. (Did the business just change hands?)
- Then back up – but to all appearances a mere zombie of its former self.
ProBux has been one of the “Core 4″ PTCs in my campaign since I began this amazing journey back in August 2013. These are my flagship PTCs, the ones I expect to be at the heart of my solid ever-gaining “PTC Portfolio.” Now I must choose a replacement for ProBux.
Several PTCs I began working with along the way appear to fit the profile. They are not fast earners, but they are consisently reliable in payment. They offer an option to rent or buy referrals. They offer advertising at reasonable rates for the volume of traffic, and conversion is average or above. They all have years of experience in the business.
ScarletClicks – Operating for 7 years.
WordLinx – Operating for 11 years.
Jill’s Click Corner – Operating for 8 years.
Keep an eye on my advertising over the next several days to see which one of these I finally go with. And if you want to experience the same amazing journey with me, click and join each of these three top performing PTCs today.
I welcome your comments. Which of these do you think deserves to replace ProBux? Do you have other recommendations? Will you keep clicking at ProBux? How do you get past this and move on?